We are days away from the end of 2019. People always express how quickly time flies, how quickly it passes us by. As I get older, the more I understand, but I have never really began to understand just how quickly, until this past year or two. I really feel like this year has been a big blur. Like somebody took their hand to a mirror, trying to wipe it clean, only to keep smearing the mess and sometimes rubbing a few spots hard enough to clear away the mess. One big blur with a few clear moments.
Looking back, although it was a tough year. A year filled with lessons, decisions, stress, tears, adulting, perspective, and refocusing. However, time keeps moving forward and although I hate the idea of New Year resolutions, I feel as we leave 2019, I am ready to let it all go. I am ready to refocus my needs, my goals, my wants, and myself. I have always had this little part of me, deep inside, that is always whispering to me over and over...you are destined for greatness. It is as though I can't help but always be thinking that there is more to this everyday, monotonous, bullshit than what meets the eye. That I can make a difference somehow. Or, that there is a plan for me and I just need to find it and make it happen. I am not even sure I am putting these feelings into the right words. But, it is time to figure a few things out, define some things in my life, and start living with more purpose. Am I happy? What makes me happy? What do I want? What are my goals? What is holding me back?
My counselor (yes, I am a huge and active fan/participant in counseling), is always pushing me to journal. She says I am very thoughtful and mindful, so putting all these things out I am thinking into the universe (or on paper) will only be a positive habit & activity for me. So, lets try it. This is day one. Lets rock this shit.
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